Reblogging as I love Jack’s tips

I’m sat on the sofa with a coffee and some biscuits, I’ve tried to work out how to write this for weeks now but the words don’t want to form. It’s been just over a year since my Nan passed away, it’s been a year of mixed emotions and conflict. A year of feeling as though I’m pushing against the tide that at any minute could engulf me and pull me under.

My home life growing up was normal enough, my Dad was always at work, something that hasn’t changed! My Mum whilst present in body wasn’t always there in spirit. For the majority of my childhood memories, my Mum was just a shadow in the background, I can’t remember many days where we spent time together or where Mum played games with us. As the years passed by, my parents divorced, an inevitability. My Dad continued to work hard, and suddenly my Mum came out of the shadows.

Looking back I can see she was depressed, that she was struggling with internal issues that would send her into huge mood swings accompanied by spontaneous camping trips, drives to London and extravagant shopping trips.
We got into financial trouble, as a result of those crazy shopping expeditions. Money seemed to have no bearing, we rarely had food in, we couldn’t pay the bills and eventually we were forced to sell our family home.
My teenage years were a constant battle with Mum, who one minute would be my best friend and the next her mood would change like the wind and I would be her worst enemy. I was hated for having contact with my Dad, if I mentioned his name the mood would turn sour and slowly bonds with other family members loosened as she alienated us from them. We were forced to keep secrets about the financial situation and we hardly had visitors.

The one constant in my life was Nan, she knew what was happening without having to talk about it. She did simple things like having us round before school to make sure we had breakfast, then after school to make sure we had food in the house. She’d lend us money, listen to us and care about what we were saying. She once helped me with my food technology coursework, which was to bake and decorate a cake. She loaned me her oven, the ingredients and the space to make the cake and then advised me how best to decorate it to the design I wanted. Something deep inside me knew that these things should have been done by Mum but the older I got the more obvious it became that she didn’t know how to be my Mum. She acted differently around my sister, in fact she treated her differently and that made me feel a bit like the black sheep. For years I blamed myself for Mum’s issues – where in reality these were things I had no idea how to control.

Our relationship slowly died. I felt I couldn’t talk to her about my life without an argument, or a manic episode and if I hinted I’d seen Dad I was outcast.

My life changed when I moved from Essex to Leicester, we’d grown up in Leicestershire but moved to Essex so we could work things out. After 3 years of trying, I decided to move forward.
2 months after moving I met Brett, and moved in with him. Six months later I was pregnant with Edward. Everything was great, my personality and own well being changed overnight and I started to repair bonds with my other family members. Sadly Granddad passed away, and that raised some issues with my Mum, grief can do odd things to people. Once Edward came along, we worked on things from a distance and we found a happy balance.

Then Nan passed away, it seemed to trigger something in me. I struggled to sit back and accept my Mum’s behavior and pushed back, because this was the straw that broke the camels back.

So this past year I have said goodbye to my Nan and my Mum.

I do love my Mum, I just can’t keep crying over the same things.

This is a bit of a ridiculous one, so bear with it.
Both Brett and Edward are napping in our hotel room, I’m sitting in the lobby just checking emails and facebook in the only place the hotel has internet. As I’m doing so, I overhear conversations as you do, I am trying very hard not to listen I promise! But as I am listening, I notice a guy (who called me childish for playing with my son in the pool might I add) complaining about his holiday. Part of me wants to grab him and shake him just to give a quick reminder of how lucky he is. But then that might be childish.

It’s day 6 of my great Tunisian escape, day one wasn’t the organised escape plan I had in mind but we arrived safely and without incident. Day two was filled with a tired crew, some tantrums and lots of swimming in the pool. Day three onwards and……..more swimming! Edward loves the pool so that’s where we’re staying! The food is good, weather is brilliant and as always the Tunisians are friendly. 
We visited the beach yesterday and yes you guessed it, more swimming, a lot of splashing and even more swimming!

In between swimming sessions I have been hooking, although it took me a while to decide what to bring, so I stuck my hand in my wool bag a few times and dug out my odds and ends. Armed with the makings of something we set off, once at the airport I realised I’d left my patterns in the car along with my mobile – both are tucked away safely out of sight, but this leaves me hooking from memory. Not a fantastic start.
Yet, I’m sure I can do something?

 My weapon of choice, a 4.5mm hook, my method?

Take one chest measurement, chain to the required inches, + an extra 2 chains. In second chain from hook HDC, HDC in each stitch to end, join with a SS. *Ch 1, HDC around.*
Repeat * to * until you reach armpit level.
Measure from armpit to breast bone, use this measurement to calculate middle of front of jumper place stitch marker in middle stitch (leave marker in this stitch)    
Measure from armpit to shoulder
Now work front only back and forth.
From Left armpit HDC accross to Stitch Marker, Ch1 turn
Row 1: HDC across to armpit, Ch1 turn
Row 2: HDC to 1 st before marker, ch1 turn
Repeat rows 1 & 2 decreasing one st on row 2 until work measures from armpit to shoulder.
Bind off
Join work at right side, repeat rows 1 & 2 for right side, ensuring decrease is in the middle to create a v neck.
Bind off.
Join work for back and HDC across, ch1 turn, until work measures the correct length.
Join shoulder seams
Join work at right arm hole, HDC around and join with a slip stitch
Ch1, HDC around, join with SS until arm is desired length. I made short sleeves but you could easily keep going until you have long sleeves.
Repeat arm for left side.
Finish by weaving in ends.

There we have it! The Great Escape Scrappy (with a matching hat and wrist warmers for Edward)

This is all we seem to be doing while on holiday…..well that and a bit of hooking