Dear Fuckwit on a bike,
I’d like to thank you for stealing my phone, it’s taught me a very important lesson in safety when I’m walking in broad daylight to collect my 4 year old son from nursery. The same 4 year old son who’s pictures are in the phone’s memory, the same 4 year old who you’ll find singing songs from Frozen in the video memory of the phone, along with the Despicable Me Minion game that he loved playing. Thank you for giving us the screen break we so desperately needed.
What you may have realised by now, is that the phone is useless. I blocked it as soon as I got home, after spending an hour waiting at the nursery for the police, because I called them too. I thought they should know all about what colour t shirt you were wearing, the direction you sped off to and all about the pathetic sunglasses you were wearing in what I can only assume an attempt to hide your face.
I want you to know, I laughed when I thought of you trying to use the defunct phone, I laughed even harder when I thought of you trying to sell it without the stylus that was in my other hand.
I’d like to thank you for opening my eye’s to how kind and caring my son’s nursery are. They are less than a hundred yards away from the scene of your utter disrespect. After shouting at you and bringing out my best swear words, I ran to the nursery. They helped me call the police and got me a cuppa, they even offered me a lift home. They restored my faith in humanity.
I want to thank you for upsetting me so much my other half came home early from work to make sure I was OK. He rarely comes home early, so despite the shitty reason it was a nice treat for him to spend time with our 4 year old before bedtime. That same 4 year old who couldn’t understand why his Mum was so upset yesterday.
So, it’s just a phone. To me it was so much more, it was a photo album, a recording device, a way of keeping in touch with loved ones. The photo’s are likely gone forever, that’s not OK but I get to see my boy every day in the flesh so I’m very lucky.
Had you tried to steal him, we may be having a very different conversation.
I never forget a face, yours has scolded itself onto the inside of my eyelids. I’ll see you again.
Yours,
Innocent mobile phone user, Leicester.